Feel like you wasted years with Mr. Wrong?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 16, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Be honest…
When you look in the rearview mirror of your last relationship, do you:
A. Kick yourself for staying too long
B. Feel like you wasted weeks, months, years of your life that you’ll never get back
C. Worry that your ex still has time to get everything he wants, but it’s too late for you
D. All of the above
Whether you chose A., B., C., or D., the good news is that it’s never too late to be true to yourself.
Did you stay longer than you should have in the wrong relationship? Maybe. But you probably still had lessons to learn. Can you recoup those so-called wasted weeks, months, years? Not literally, but cosmically, yes.
How?
By learning your lessons, promising to never again repeat patterns and habits that no longer work for you, and by remaining consistently committed to your amazing future. If you commit to your successful future, you will never again waste time on the wrong guy.
First, you must commit to doing the following:
1. Make your list of relationship wants, needs, and requirements so you’re crystal clear about what you do and don’t want
2. Become a red flag specialist who never again ignores all the signs that Mr. Wrong is NOT The One
3. Trust that Mr. Right is out there for you and don’t get unnecessarily sidelined by men who don’t match his description
4. Create a life you love so that you’re not waiting around for some guy to rescue you
5. Let go of unhealthy baggage that’s stifling you and keeping Mr. Right away
Can you see how getting hung up on the time you may have wasted with Mr. Wrong only keeps you stuck? Give yourself permission to set yourself free and move on — for good!
Stay tuned for more tips on how to set yourself free from dating drama and disappointment.
If you’re ready to do what it takes to find Mr. Right, enroll in my FREE 30 Day Get Out There Challenge.
And be sure to pick up my man-ifesto for meeting Mr. Right: If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right, available on Amazon and in bookstores.
For added support, join my Facebook Fan page here:
http://www.facebook.com/LisaSteadmanFans
Do you feel like a failure at love?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 15, 2011 - 7:00 AM
One of the biggest signs that you’re not yet ready to find Mr. Right is that you’re stuck in the trap of “What could have been.” Specifically, you’ve fallen into the nasty trap of believing your ex was The One, and without him, you’re doomed.
Sound familiar?
Here’s another common trap I see women fall into…
They feel like a bit, fat failure at love.
When you look back at past relationships and see that the only two common denominators are you and the fact that the relationship ended, it’s easy to fall into the false assumption that you must be a failure at love. And while it’s true that you participated in each and every one of those past relationships, it’s also true that there was something about each of those relationships that worked for you at the time. On some level (emotionally, spiritually, sexually, etc.), you got something out of it. And you stayed because that need was being fulfilled.
The truth is, you are not a failure at love.
If you apply the lessons you’re learning from past relationships to your future, you’ll never again repeat those same issues, patterns, and mistakes. In fact, if you apply the Goldilocks principle to your next relationship, learning from what did and didn’t work in the past, you may even get it “just right” next time!
The key is to learn from the past, make the decision to stop repeating the same mistakes over and over in relationship after relationship, and choose better next time.
How can you learn from past relationship mistakes and STOP feeling like a failure at love?
Stay tuned for more tips on how to set yourself free from dating drama and disappointment.
And if you’re REALLY ready to do what it takes to find Mr. Right, enroll in my FREE 30 Day Get Out There Challenge.
Pick up my man-ifesto for meeting Mr. Right: If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right, available on Amazon and in bookstores.
For added support, join my Facebook Fan page here:
http://www.facebook.com/LisaSteadmanFans
Signs you’re hung up on “What could have been”
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 14, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Last week, I announced that I was going to start sharing valuable tips and tools so you could let go of Mr. Wrong and do what it takes to find Mr. Right.
To be honest, I see way too many beautiful, smart, successful women getting and staying hung up on a guy who’s not good for them. And while the occasional run in with Mr. Wrong is normal during a single gal’s journey, getting stuck in a bad relationship or in a never ending loop of loving one Mr. Wrong after another can lead to massive heartbreak, disappointment, loss, and serious financial and emotional debt.
Trust me, I’ve been there.
And I’ve worked with enough women who are starting over yet again after Mr. Wrong wronged them that I want to help you change your fate.
Over the next 3 weeks, I’ll share top 5 traps I see women get stuck in. I’ll also share how you can get un-stuck from these traps so you can find out what it takes to meet Mr. Right.
Even if you’re not quite ready to manifest Mr. Right, you can take at least 1 step today to let go of your love for Mr. Wrong and/or your addiction to bad love.
First, I need you to be honest.
Do you think your ex was The One?
Are you paralyzed by the fear that you don’t have what it takes to get love right?
Do you spend countless nights lying awake, obsessing about how much time you’ve wasted in relationship after relationship that just never worked out?
I get it. I’ve been there. And as someone who once got love wrong every time until she woke up, wised up, and discovered what it takes to find Mr. Right, I want to share with you how being hung up on “What could have been” is sabotaging your chances of finding love.
If you’re haunted by the disappointment you feel at what your future could have looked like but never quite materialized, STOP.
You’re not alone. I’ve been there. And so have so many other smart, successful, amazing women just like you.
As women, we’re biologically and socially wired to want certain things: a home, someone to love, possibly a family. When a relationship ends, it’s like a part of our soul dies. The disappointment in ourselves and our inability to make love work can stifle any hopes of letting go and moving on to a more hopeful future.
But guess what?
It’s time to turn down the volume on that pain and disappointment.
It’s time to accept that for whatever reason, things didn’t work out with Mr. Wrong. You did your very best. In fact, I know you did more than your share to ensure relationship success. You don’t have to know why the relationship ended in order to move on. But you do have to give yourself permission to stop looking over your shoulder, stop obsessing about “What could’ve been,” and instead reacquaint yourself with your present circumstances, freeing yourself up to walk step by step into that magnificent future.
Today, I invite you to ask yourself: How am I hung up on “What could have been?”
And then, give yourself permission to let go of your fantasies about the past and step into the reality that Mr. Wrong wasn’t The One. You are not a failure at love. There’s STILL time for you to get love right.
You just have to get un-stuck first.
Can you see how being stuck in the trap of “What could have been” is holding you back? If so, give yourself permission to set yourself free and move on.
Stay tuned for more tips on how to set yourself free from dating drama and disappointment.
If you’re ready to do what it takes to find Mr. Right, enroll in my FREE 30 Day Get Out There Challenge.
And be sure to pick up my man-ifesto for meeting Mr. Right: If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right, available on Amazon and in bookstores.
For added support, join my Facebook Fan page here:
http://www.facebook.com/LisaSteadmanFans
Back By Popular Demand: Ask Lisa ANYTHING!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 13, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Back By Popular Demand: Ask Lisa Steadman
FREE call with best selling author, internationally renowned
relationship expert, and CEO of Woohoo, Inc.
Tuesday, July 13 @ 6pm Pacific | 9pm Eastern
If you could ask me anything about where YOU are on the journey away from Mr. Wrong and into the arms of Mr. Right, what would it be?
Join my FREE call where I’ll answer YOUR burning relationship questions on Tuesday, July 13.
Click here to register for the call.
Day 30: Celebrate YOUR success!
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 12, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Woohoo! Welcome to Day 30 in my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge!
What was your favorite part of the challenge? What did you find most challenging?
Did you gain new dating skills, like how to flirt, how to talk to men, and how to be a man magnet in target rich environments.
What kind of results did you experience?
I can’t WAIT to here how you did during the challenge.
Even if you only implemented a few of the tips, celebrate your success. Treat yourself to a mani-pedi. A glass of wine. A relaxing massage. And keep rocking these tips moving forward.
And be sure to share your Woohoo!s here on the blog.
Day 29: Do you know the difference between Mr. Next and Mr. Right?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 11, 2011 - 7:00 AM
With just two days left in my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge, let’s review what you’ve been learning…
You’ve broken free from your belief that all men are JERKS.
You’ve unlocked the secrets of staying sexy, stylish, AND single over 40.
You’ve even learned how to date like a grownup.
Next, it’s time to understand the subtle differences between Mr. Next and Mr. Right. That way, when he shows up, you can recognize the difference.
Mr. Next is any guy you date who’s got potential. You can date Mr. Next as long as you want until you realize that he’s not a suitable match for you and your long-term goals and relationship requirements. Once you recognize that he’s not the guy for you, let him go. That way, you cut down on wasted dating time for both of you.
Mr. Right on the other hand is an elusive but oh so worth the wait guy who meets all of your relationship requirements, is emotionally available for commitment, and shares similar values and long-term goals. It takes time to find Mr. Right, and that’s fantastic! Not just anybody can be your perfect partner. Choose wisely.
For more on the sometimes subtle differences between Mr. Next and Mr.Rright, pick up my book If He’s Not The One, Who Is? What went wrong and what it takes to find Mr. Right.
And be sure to share your Woohoo!s here on the blog.
For more tips like this, check out http://lisasteadman.com/category/30-day-challenge/
Catherine Behan on Before You Try E-Harmony, Get a Dose of ME-Harmony
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 10, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Here’s some great advice from my friend Catherine Behan on how to check yourself before you wreck your love life…
“I hate on-line dating!” Maggie sighed. “Everyone lies and posts pictures of themselves from 15 years ago.”
“I know what you mean,” moaned Lisa. “I want a guy over 6 feet and the last three matches were all under 5? 8!”
Can you relate? Have you worked and worked on your online dating profile and still attract people you would never pick for yourself? What’s wrong with the system?
Personally, I have worked with many people who have had excellent results with online dating. Some, though still single, really enjoy the people they have met through these dating resources. So what’s the deal? Why aren’t more people lucky in on-line love?
If you aren’t finding a good match, could it be that YOU are not a good match? Is it possible that you aren’t projecting the whole picture? If you are attracting people that are not even close to your ideals, you just might need to focus on a little ME-Harmony before you go to E-Harmony.
Long time singles like yourself have a Lost Love Legacy that holds your future captive. Each person you have encountered along the way…BFFs included, have left a sort of footprint in your mind and heart. Some past relationships have been good and the breakups mutual. But, the fact is, all past relationships have disappointments and heartbreak that lodge themselves in your heart.
No one is perfect. People hurt each other in relationship when misunderstandings happen, no matter how hard you try not to. When you attract the exact opposite of who it is you want to be with, it is a sure sign that you are coming across with a confusing vibration. The Law of Attraction is relentless and always brings exactly what you are vibrating…not what you are hoping for.
One part of you craves to be loved and adored. Another fears opening deeply to let love in. One part of you wants to co-create a marriage that works. Another part is intimidated by the negotiating it takes to walk it out.
One part of you wants a partner who is open and vulnerable. Another part of you is terrified of being open and vulnerable. See what I mean?
When you focus on ME-Harmony, you learn you can accept your doubts and fears and still move forward. Making peace with the ghosts of relationships past is the fastest way to get there. Each heart break in your past holds the power to make you an amazing partner. You did the best you could with what you knew at the time. Finding self compassion and letting go of your hurts and disappointments will bring you to a place of shining self confidence.
When you have ME-Harmony, you may not even return to online dating. There is nothing more irresistible than a happy, confident person. Your luck in love will surely change when you choose that as your primary goal!
Curious about how to bring that harmony to yourself? Take the Soul Mate Quiz right here: http://AttractYourSoulMateNow.com
About The Expert
Catherine Behan is a gifted teacher, author, speaker, seminar leader and coach who has been helping people find True Love for over 30 years. She is the creator of “Seduce Your Saboteur: How To Enchant, Engage and Enlist Your Strongest Ally and Find True Love In 6 Months or Less.”
Day 28: Does the idea of finding Mr. Right freak you out?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 9, 2011 - 7:00 AM
I rarely talk about what to do AFTER you meet a great guy.
And yet I find that this is where most women truly struggle.
We say we want love. We say we’re ready. And then when someone really great shows up who’s interested and available, we freak out. We sabotage. We run the other way.
Sound familiar?
As someone who has been there and done that, I had to break free of my own fears about actually finding love. My fears of being seen, heard, vulnerable, not to mention being in a relationship with an imperfect person. I had been looking for perfection for so long I couldn’t even accept a good man into my life when he showed up.
Until I broke free of my fear of what love actually looks and feels like.
If the idea of being in a relationship, taking risks, being vulnerable, and falling in love with an imperfect person terrifies you, pay attention to that. And works to shift your thinking.
Healthy and happy life is imperfect. You do have to be vulnerable. And that’s okay. That’s fantastic!
Surrender to the imperfectness of love. Give good guys a chance. And be willing to be imperfect yourself.
Got questions? Post them here.
For more tips like this, check out http://lisasteadman.com/category/30-day-challenge/
Day 27: Are you addicted to a man’s potential?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 8, 2011 - 7:00 AM
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Be honest. Do you fall over and over again for a man's potential, only to be devastated and disappointed when he doesn't measure up?
Stop. This is a vicious cycle you need to break free from.
So many women believe that a man's potential is who he really is.
They're wrong.
Who a man is TODAY is who he really is. Trust that. Believe that. And don't try and change him.
If you cannot accept a man for who he is right this minute, don't date him. Falling in love with potential will only leave you feeling frustrated. And it will only make your man feel like a huge disappointment.
It doesn't matter if he's the most talented artist, the most amazing singer, uber smart with tons of potential. If he's not living up to that potential today and you can't accept that, do not date . Period.
Instead, get clear about what you really want. Stop dating in extremes and date in the middle. And love yourself enough to stop sabotaging your love life by falling in love with potential.
Got questions? Post them here. I can't wait to hear from you!
For more tips like this, check out http://lisasteadman.com/category/30-day-challenge/
Relationship Red Flags: Three things you must know by Jennifer Gauvain, MSW, LCSW
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on July 7, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Earlier in my 30 Day Get Out There Challenge, I introduced you to Jennifer Gauvain, co-author of the fabulous new book How Not to Marry the Wrong Guy: Is He the One or Should You Run? I’m thrilled to share Jennifer’s amazing insight into relationship red flags and how to stop ignoring them.
As you continue dating and meeting men during and after Lisa’s 30 Day Challenge, I want you to keep something in mind. When it comes to relationship red flags, there are three things you must know:
1. You can’t ignore them.
2. They are different for everyone.
3. Your gut feelings help you recognize them.
Let’s be honest. We all know what red flags in relationships are. They are seriously unappealing or problematic actions, attitudes and behaviors exhibited by your partner. We’ve seen countless articles detailing red flag after red flag. The problem is that while we recognize them, we often choose to ignore them.
My friend Jincey dated a guy who was 38 years old and lived with his mother. “I knew that was a red flag, but I ignored it,” she says. “One night, not too long after we started dating, we went back to his mom’s house to watch TV. He stripped down totally naked and sat on the couch. His mom brought us snacks and he just sat there. She cleaned up and ignored the fact he was naked. He must have done it all the time!” So what’s wrong with watching TV naked? Jincey said the real problem was his child-like dependence on his mother. Guess what? She married him anyway and it didn’t end well. “He could barely take care of himself and was terrible with money. He had a hard time keeping a job. He was sweet, but so irresponsible. He didn’t want a wife, he wanted another mommy.”
She would have saved herself a lot of heartache—and money—if she had paid attention to the irresponsibility red flag that was flying from the very beginning. “I just wanted the relationship to work out,” says Jincey. “I was tired of being alone.”
The other often misunderstood fact about red flags is that they are different for everyone. Jealousy, meanness, and avoidance are common red flags. And while it’s important to be aware of these red flags, a one-size-fits-all list doesn’t address your gut feelings. A-life-of the-party-girl may see extreme shyness as a red flag in a potential mate. Or a sports fanatic female may be turned off by a guy who dislikes sports. Or….maybe she won’t. Everyone’s different. So how do you know what a red flag is for you? Your gut will tell you. Or that little voice in your head will start to speak up and point out a potential problem in your relationship.
Katie, a 27 year old teacher, confesses that she is stuck in a relationship with the wrong guy. He’s a nice guy, but there are several red flags that are stirring up her gut feelings. “He sees the world as a sea of options, and has a hard time deciding what he wants to do,” she says. “Then, when he decides on something, he has a hard time sticking with it. That’s a red flag to me. And my gut questions his ability to help any family we might have someday. He also seems to care more about his adventures and his life than he does my own. It makes me think that he won’t be there for the important milestones in my life.”
Katie’s inner wisdom recognizes these red flags. Let’s hope she find the courage to take action. Here are some things to think about to make sure you can recognize red flags, and more importantly, not ignore them:
• When his behavior bothers you, pay attention. Is the little voice in your head trying to warn you about something? Don’t look the other way! Think about the behavior that concerns you and reflect on it.
• Ask yourself if you are changing your behavior in response to your boyfriend or partner’s behavior. Are you walking on egg shells? Are you avoiding difficult conversations? If you do try to talk about something, how does he react?
• Fast forward ten years. How will this particular behavior or attitude play out in the future? Will he be a good dad? A good friend? A solid employee? A reliable husband?
When it comes to red flags, what you see now is what you get later. Once you train yourself to recognize—and act on—the red flags in your relationships, you are on your way to a happier, more satisfying life. The choice is yours!
About The Expert
Jennifer Gauvain is the co-author of How Not to Marry the Wrong Guy: Is He the One or Should You Run? (Broadway/Random House, May 2010). She is a marriage and family therapist with clients around the country. For more information visit her website at coldfeetpress.com.
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