Help! My ex is giving me mixed messages…
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 28, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Missy writes: “My boyfriend and I broke up. It came out of the blue. He’d told me he’d loved me for the past 5 years and then went away one weekend and in 4 days was over me. I am heart broken. We had planned a life together. We work together and share the same group of friends so I have to see him everyday. I am able to hold it together (around him) but he is starting to send mixed signals and they get more confusing everyday. For example, telling me how good I look, staring at me constantly, brushing up against me, and now he even offered to drive me to a staff dinner he wasn’t even going to. I’m totally confused. He says he wants to be friends but his actions are saying something different and I keep getting my hopes up that he will come back.”
Lisa says: I feel your pain! As someone who has been there, i.e. trying to stay friends with the ex after a breakup, and having to see him every day at the office, I know how difficult it is. Plus, you’re dealing with disappointment and loss. The key to your survival during this difficult time is that you must create new boundaries with your ex. He is going to test those boundaries constantly (don’t let him – he can flirt with you and still move on. As a woman, it’s trickier!) You have to be strong enough to call him on his inappropriate behavior (brushing up against you, offering you a ride, etc.). That is absolutely unacceptable. Your relationship has changed. He no longer gets to check you out, give you compliments, invade your space, etc. It’s time to change the dynamic. You can remain friendly, but for now, you cannot be friends. That’s an important distinction to make. From now on, only discuss work related matters, and anything else that you have to talk about. Don’t talk about how you’re handling the breakup, if you’re moving on, if you’re dating other people. Your ex may be sending you mixed signals, but it’s up to you to decode them and say Enough!
Good luck and happy healing!
When in doubt, grab a copy of these rockin’ resources:
It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life – for good!
If He’s Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong – and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right
Advice to heal broken hearts (from tween girls!)
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 27, 2011 - 7:00 AM
This is sooo cute! My g.f. recently polled a group of pre-tween and tween girls on how to handle heartbreak. Here are the results, directly from the mouths of babes:
Cuties, crushes, and heartbreak. It’s all part of growing up, but boy, it can definitely sting! That’s why it’s good to get advice from others who’ve been through it. Like these awesome girls:
Well, I saw my crush with his arm around a girl. **Ouch** But then I got over it by finding a new best buddy!
- Grace
I had this boyfriend, and he made me laugh and smile. After almost two months, I found out he was starting to like someone else, so I broke it off with him. I just had to tell myself that there was someone else. And there was! I met this cute AND nice guy a week later.
- Megan
Here’s my recipe to cure a broken heart. You’ll need:
1) Lots of ice cream
2) Your best girlfriends
3) Lots of chick flicks
Guaranteed to cure a broken heart!
- Madison
I’ve had my heart broken and my advice is: Forget about him. There are plenty other good-looking guys out there. And who knows? Some of them might even be into you, but you just haven’t had time to really see the truth. So I think the best thing to do is forget about him. If he comes back, so be it. But DON’T waste your time crying over him. That’s exactly what he wants!!
- Leyla
I once thought my boyfriend was the boy of my dreams and that he would never break my heart. Guess what, I was wrong! I was very emotional for about 2 weeks and felt like I could never see his face again. Then my friends helped me out. They told me that I was an awesome person who is incredible in every way, and that I should not cry over him because if he doesn’t like me then he is missing out on something so sweet. You should not cry over a boy who does not like you!
- Jenny
What’s YOUR advice for young girls experiencing their first breakup?
Breakup Recovery Tip #7: Create A New Nighttime Ritual
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 26, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Breakup Recovery Tip #6: Give Your Bedroom A Makeover
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 25, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Breakup Recovery Tip #5: Practice Self Nurturing Behavior
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 24, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Breakup Recovery Tip #4: Journal Your Recovery
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 23, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Breakup Recovery Tip #3: Create A New Morning Ritual
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 22, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Breakup Recovery Tip #2: Recruit A Boohoo Crew
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 21, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Who’s in your Woohoo Crew?
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 20, 2011 - 7:00 AM
I hope you’re having a fabulous week. Do you have big plans for the Fourth of July weekend? I’ll been barbecuing with friends and family, enjoying the beautiful Southern California weather, and getting ready for my media tour to New York in conjunction with my book It’s A Breakup Not A Breakdown Workbook: A 21-Day Action Plan to Plot Your Revenge, Spoil Yourself, and Find Out How Good Your Life Is Without Him.
But first, I’ve got a question for you. Who’s in your Woohoo Crew?
In both my books and in my emails, I know I talk a lot about the importance of having a Boohoo Crew, i.e. your inner circle of support during breakup recovery. But once your heart is on the mend, the support shouldn’t end there.
To create a life you truly love, it’s important to have a core group of loved ones who can celebrate life’s triumphs and commiserate during the tough times. And that’s where your Woohoo Crew comes in.
So who’s in your Woohoo Crew?
Let me tell you a little bit about mine. My husband’s at the core. He’s amazing! I also have incredible friends, supportive parents (after years of training!), and a great support staff for my business.
See, over the years I’ve come to realize the value of having ongoing support, a trusted inner circle, and knowing when I need to ask for help.
With all of life’s ups and downs, I know that not everyone is lucky enough to have a Woohoo Crew.
That’s why I created my 8 Week Heal Your Heart TeleClass – to help women just like you heal their hearts in record time in a supportive and nurturing group environment. (We’re in Week #6 and everyone is experiencing INCREDIBLE momentum!)
The members in my Rock Your Love Life program are also ROCKING their results. Talk about a spirited and amazing Woohoo Crew!
And that’s why I do private coaching – to provide hands on guidance, help, and accountability for individuals looking to powerfully transform what’s happening in their lives – in ALL AREAS! The work is pretty incredible. And I love doing it!
So again, I want to know… who’s in your Woohoo Crew?
If you’ve got loving and supportive friends and family, congratulations! You’re poised for success, happiness, and abundance.
If you don’t, you may need some help.
I’d like to help you. I’m hosting a FREE call on Monday, July 6 @ 6pm Pacific. On the call, I’ll answer all of your burning relationship questions.
To register for my FREE call, go here:
http://lisasteadman.com/ask-lisa-steadman
Once you sign up, the call information will be emailed directly to you, along with instructions on how to submit your questions ahead of time.
Remember, to plow through blocks, limiting beliefs, and masterfully manifest your heart’s desire, you need ongoing support. Join my free call next week to get the hands-on help you deserve.
Here’s that link again to register:
http://lisasteadman.com/ask-lisa-steadman
I look forward to speaking with you soon.
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The 5 Stages of Breakup Recovery
Submitted by Lisa Steadman on June 19, 2011 - 7:00 AM
Every breakup consists of five stages. Which stage are you in, or which stage do you most relate to?
Breakup Stage #1: Denial
Breakup Stage #2 – Anger
Breakup Stage #3 — Bargaining
Breakup Stage #4 — Sadness
Breakup Stage #5 — Acceptance:
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